Hush

Hushed

prayers fall on deaf Ears

in mosques where women cannot reunite their hands with the maker

Allah Akbar, but bars me from meeting him face to face

Venus has never been so far from Mars

and he carries on his war alone

so the Jihad is

Hushed

As the night

in a neighborhood

different from the ones I grew up in.

The silence hides secrets

searing into skin

bruising my body the brittleness

of glass slippers.

I wonder if Phillip ever laid hands on Cinderella

if I should just

Hush

clocks as time stops

and Outkasts aren’t the only ones sending bombs over Baghdad.

My tongue cannot perfect the complexities of rebellious language

so I communicate by blinking and nodding

the silence is the most powerful scream

so I yell at the top of my lungs to a husband

who fights against himself.

Is he coming home tonight?

Or does the patriotism have him bleeding his true colors?

The intuition says yes but the logic says

Hush

and don’t ruin a good thing with doubt. . .

He’ll be better tomorrow.

Rough day at the office. . .

he’s under a lot of stress.

And I will not forget my place

even if it’s a square peg forced fist-over-fist

eyes painted the color of the midnight

a knowing nod to the lipstick stains when I do the laundry. . .

What would your mother say?

Probably say the same thing as she did then.

“Sometimes all you are is a trophy.

Be grateful for what you’ve got.”

Hush

like I always have, and listen to the radio for news.

Locked within the confines of volume knob and military code;

I forget how old it is sometimes. The realization

that this war just turned 9 and the knob only goes to 10

makes me hopeful that the conflict will soon end.

Send home those prisoners of war

and let the wives of war stop being prisoners

to the din of gunshots and hollow eyes.

There is no turning back.

You can’t go home again

after terrorist attacks

and the conflicts that spark them.

I just want the walls to

“Hush!”

He says, lest I wake the neighbors.

“Wipe your own blood from the floor.

I don’t want to hear it anymore!”

I wonder what I’m worth.

Too sweet to be arm-candy

hanging on for dear life

as the ghosts of social circles

that look at each other but never see anything

provide the backdrop to backhands behind closed doors.

But how much more will you take?

You can’t go home again

but I’ve got to get the Hell out of here.

I was not made to

Hush

the raindrops in the desert and shake the dust.

These dust-devils toss and turn my landscape like bad dreams

but my position won’t allow me to say anything

though it’s just a jumble of syllables to me now

my vow is as broken as my crown was the night he took me

but it won’t break the seal on the back of my throat.

These words spoken through whispers and coded language

and my cipher can no longer decipher them.

Am I ready for the change?

Or am I just ready for the day when I don’t have to

HUSH

Let me figure things out.

Pack my things into a single suitcase

leave

Never return.

Where am I going from here? In dead of night,

In silence. In medias res

because I’m so confused right now.

I am louder than this.

You are louder than this. . .

DEAR SELF

HUSH

And load your guns with slugs made from tatters of my hijab

AND I WILL PROVE TO YOU FISTS DO KNOW GENDER ROLES

as the explosion sounds like a storm and pierces your heart

TO BURST YOUR SOUL INTO A PYRE OF ACKNOWLEDGEMNT!

I WANT YOUR FIRE TO BURN AS VIVIDLY AS MINE DOES

BUT YOU NEVER NOTICE ME. I BITE INTO SHOULD BE

BUT I NEVER GET A TASTE!

Never get a taste. . .

I just

Hush

Hush

Hush

Hush

HUSH

As I sit, silent, wondering what’s next

I see:

I AM LOUDER THAN THIS

I AM RUCKUS

AN EXPERIMENT IN NOISE

From Allah all the way to the tip of my tongue

Pursed lips, cocked back, LET GO

READY, AIM FIRE

BREAK THE SILENCE!