They say envy is powerful.
It will consume you if you let it
and where I'm from,
it rules like kings do:
that subtle control
everyone falls victim to
and that history will say
was constructed from fear
it's that want for what you can never have.
I wonder if You will remember me tomorrow.
Or if You will simply fade into forever
like "it will be OK" or "this too shall pass."
These cliches are not things to be hidden behind.
I have finally figured out who You love more.
Forgive me for the sin of not knowing your favorite color
or the dreams you had before your crucifixion.
I just didn't want to overstep my bounds.
How was I to know it would lead me to being forsaken?
Pretend to like me long enough
and You'll never be rid of me.
I should have known then what I know now:
if we were created in God's image,
then He ignores calls from broken friends
and makes up excuses not to see his kids, too.
But I just want to know what makes them so special.
I will not go gently.
Not until You've answered me.
Not until you've noticed me.
I wonder if You'll remember me tomorrow.
I wonder how many days of one prayer short
and one miracle late it will take
but I know better than to think
it will change by the morning.
But in case you do read this
I guess I should give its proper end:
in your son's name I pray,