I was once taught that if you do something perfectly, people won't be sure you've really done anything. This sentiment was later woven into an episode of "Futurama", and has achieved a touch more fame. Just a little, though.
I start like that because lately, I've found myself in an odd predicament. Now that all the lives of my loved ones are pretty much stable, I've found myself unnecessary, and therefore not included in the new lives they have gone on to lead. In essence, people are drifting away because they don't need me.
That in itself is fine, and it makes me very happy. It's just led to some very frustrating and depressing moments lately. I wonder if I'm only good as a booster or an object to be used, and wonder if that's just my station or if I'm that way because somewhere in me I choose to be. I then wonder about how things would be different if I were different and I realize that who I am is truly who I need to be. In the end, even if no one I care about has seen or will acknowledge my effort, I know it's there and have no clue what the world would be like if it wasn't.
It hurts. People always slipping away from me after they've gotten what they need from me hurts tremendously, and I will sit here on my own outlet and pretend that it does not. Being alone burns by itself. Being alone, and then realizing that maybe things have to be this way so that people can be happy, that's a level of pain I don't think I have words for. But in the end, people can be happy.
And if that means I can't be, so be it. The messages of today are twofold: the first is the title of this entry. The second is this:
Appreciate beauty, no matter how hard it is to find.
Feels like we're falling,
feels like we're slipping away.
Please say if you can
that this all will be OK
just like you said way back then.
Be well, be blessed, know that you are loved, dear reader.
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keep your chin up, if your not happy- change ;-)
ReplyDeleteI've felt this way before. You've expressed some profound thoughts, but the sentiment that you must be depressed so others can be happy just isn't valid. No one can hog happiness, there's an infinite amount of it. You just have to tap into it and let it flow into you. It really is just being alone that does this to a man. As soon as you get a girlfriend or make a new friend, all the sudden the door flings wide open. You no longer worry about someone appreciating you because someone now does. And you appreciate each other and talk through ideas and show compassion and respect. The lonely mind is a dangerous one so it's all about opening up. Really glad I read your post. I love that Futurama quote and that's what led me here.
ReplyDeleteDude! I feel ya. I am attempting to put together a global support group for people such as yourself, as well as myself.
ReplyDeleteIf you're interested in helping out with Unsung Anonymous, please send me a message or email.
I very much liked that quote in Futurama; it lends itself to some of Christ's own sayings in the Gospels, about not wanting his presence to be announced to the people.
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